What is it that we must consider before choosing to marry someone?

Some of the major considerations which are commonly mentioned are the person’s physical beauty, chemistry, love and romance, their qualifications, finances, hobbies etc.

Those who are somewhat more affluent mention aspects like compatibility, emotional intelligence (e.g. avoiding high-conflict traits), intellectual compatibility, respect for personal space, equality in roles, shared values etc.

Considerations which seem very simple (because they are so fundamental to marriage), but which are critical in deciding whether to marry a person are:

A Beloved Child: Is the person a beloved son or daughter of their parents? Is the person a beloved child of God and deeply aware of that? Does the person desire to continue to be a beloved child of their parents? Does the person desire to continue to be a beloved child of God?

A Beloved Husband or Wife: Does the person desire to be a beloved husband/wife?

A Beloved Father or Mother: Does the person desire to be a beloved father or mother?

Take care to ask the questions carefully

When considering the above, it is easy to unintentionally overlook the word “beloved” and to ask questions such as “does the person desire to be a spouse/parent?”.

This is a crucial mistake.

It is critical to not ask the question “does this person desire to be a spouse/parent”, but to ask the questions “does this person desire to be a beloved husband/wife?” and “does this person desire to be a beloved father/mother?”.

These are very different questions.

I believe that many a broken marriage and many a broken heart could have been saved if we earnestly sought answers to these questions.

Why “Beloved”?

The word “beloved” means “dearly loved”.

It is one thing to want to get married. It is another thing to want to be “a beloved husband/wife” and to want to be a “beloved father/mother”.

There is a big difference between being a child who didn’t feel loved and being a beloved child. The difference affects marriage in real ways.

Where does being a beloved husband/wife and being a beloved father/mother fit on their list of priorities? Is it the first thing on their list of priorities after their salvation and their relationship with God? Or does it come after other things like their ego, their “career”, their “independence” or whatever else?