What is it that we must consider before choosing to marry someone?

Some of the major considerations which are commonly mentioned are the person’s physical beauty, chemistry, love and romance, their qualifications, finances, hobbies etc.

Those who are somewhat more affluent mention aspects like compatibility, emotional intelligence (e.g. avoiding high-conflict traits), intellectual compatibility, respect for personal space, equality in roles, shared values etc.

Considerations which seem very simple (because they are so fundamental to marriage), but which are critical in deciding whether to marry a person are:

A Beloved Child: Is the person a beloved son or daughter of their parents? Is the person a beloved child of God and fundamentally aware of that?

A Beloved Spouse: Does the person desire to be a beloved spouse?

A Beloved Parent: Does the person desire to be a beloved father or mother?

If you ask the wrong question, you get the wrong answer

When considering the above, it is easy to unintentionally overlook the word “beloved” and to ask questions such as “does the person desire to be a spouse/parent”?

However, it is critical to not ask just the question “does this person desire to be a spouse/parent”, but to ask the question “does this person desire to be a beloved spouse and to be a beloved parent?”.

These are very different questions that provide very different answers.

Many a broken marriage and many a broken heart could have been saved if we earnestly sought answers to these questions.

Beloved

The word “beloved” means “dearly loved”.

There is a big difference between being a neglected child and being a beloved child. The difference affects marriage in real ways.

Not everyone who gets married desires to be a beloved spouse and a beloved parent as the most important aspects of their life, after their salvation.

In modern times, people often place their work or career, their independence, worldly riches and their vanity as more important values than being a beloved spouse and a beloved parent.